an old school introvert's view of the online world
The original plan was to write about my son as the anniversary of his birth is Monday. He would have been forty-three. But I wasn’t feeling like being too emotional this week. I’m sure I’ll write about him, but not now.
Then I thought maybe I’d start writing about my love life. But I don’t want to write about the men that were special. Maybe I’d just talk about the one offs. The very shorts term guys. Again, not really feeling it. At this moment in time.
So here I am with trying to explain myself to the online world. To social media. With which I have very ambivalent feelings.
I am an introvert. I prefer alone time, homebody time, and time spent with good friends. Nine times out of ten, I will decline an invitation to a party or event where I’ll be surrounded by strangers. (The Women’s March to the Polls Saturday was different, but I did go with my dear friend, and she knows me and my issues quite well.)
To me, Facebook is one of these huge, loud events, that while I like parts of it, and at times it’s useful to me, mostly it leaves me anxious and wanting to delete my account. Except you can never really delete your account. Unlike almost every other social media site, there is no delete account option, only deactivation. And yes, I am aware of the hypocrisy of posting this to Facebook. Nothing is black and white.
Flickr was my first foray into social media and I still consider it home. It’s a photography sharing site for those that don’t know. I’ve met several people because of Flickr and I value their friendships. Others, while we haven’t met yet, feel like we have, and my Flickr experience would be that much less without them. Not to mention all the phenomenal photography and art I can see everyday. On my own terms. It’s very easy to go to a group or individual’s stream and peruse without interruption. And I can like and comment without the entire planet knowing.
Flickr is not perfect, by any means. You have the weirdos and creeps and penis pics to get beyond some days. Rather like the early morning commute on the CTA.
And there are the whiners, the hopelessly needy, the over the top attention seekers, and scores of pedestrian and banal pictures. But I’ve learned how to avoid or ignore these. (My list of blocked people is longer than my friend, family, and contact lists combined.) But still, it’s home. I’m comfortable there.
Facebook will never be comfortable or like home for me. For one thing, my head hurts sometimes with all the incorrect grammar usage and misspellings. I forgive those whose English is a second or third or fourth language. But these English abusers* have English as their first and only language. Yes. I can be a bit of a grammar nazi. And there’s really nothing wrong with that and I’ll defend this to the end. In the online world first impressions are made with our words. Or puppy and kitten photos. But there still needs to be a properly spelled, properly punctuated caption, title, or description.
Then there are quotes. Quotes need quotation marks. See how that works? And ideally, the source should be given. Everyone knows you didn’t write these things. Poetic license is no defense for using others’ words and ideas and poetry without credit.
Just as maddening are those vague posts, just begging for everyone to ask, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you OK?” I flat out ignore those. I realise it may be difficult for some to ask for help, but if you’re in that much pain or distress, perhaps you should pick up the phone and talk to a close friend or family member. As much as I care for my fellow humans, I cannot, for my own health and peace of mind, be drawn into everyone else’s dramas on a daily basis. This doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. But I also can pick and choose what I allow to affect me.
I will leave you with the opinion of someone who held a special place in my heart for many years. I still think his words very apt, so many years after he wrote this to me.
“I have a problem with so-called social networking. OK, I'll leave out the "so-called" bit because it's too long to type every time, but you can add it mentally. My problem is that it's not social, at least not the social we grew up with. And I'm very angry at Zuckerberg for co-opting the word friend, and virtually (no pun intended) rendering it meaningless.
For me social means talking to people I know in person or over the internet, but mostly in person. A friend is someone who knows you well, someone you like, someone you do stuff with, someone who is there for you. I don't have to define the word for you. FB has turned the concept into something so trivial. People have 1000 friends, but don't know any of them. Don't get me started on Twatter. Ugh. Blech. Gack. Pffffft, to quote Bill the Cat.
All this social media is one way. You post or twat or tumbl or what have you, and you do it for all to read. And it has bred a sense of self-importance that's completely out of whack.
Just had a cup of coffee.
Found a great parking spot.
I love sushi.
People have been trained to think the rest of the world gives a shit. By my estimation, that's 90% of Facebook and Twitter. I'm not saying they can't be good platforms; they can. But they're wasted.
It's like the vanity press of the early 20th century. But now it's free.”
Then I thought maybe I’d start writing about my love life. But I don’t want to write about the men that were special. Maybe I’d just talk about the one offs. The very shorts term guys. Again, not really feeling it. At this moment in time.
So here I am with trying to explain myself to the online world. To social media. With which I have very ambivalent feelings.
I am an introvert. I prefer alone time, homebody time, and time spent with good friends. Nine times out of ten, I will decline an invitation to a party or event where I’ll be surrounded by strangers. (The Women’s March to the Polls Saturday was different, but I did go with my dear friend, and she knows me and my issues quite well.)
To me, Facebook is one of these huge, loud events, that while I like parts of it, and at times it’s useful to me, mostly it leaves me anxious and wanting to delete my account. Except you can never really delete your account. Unlike almost every other social media site, there is no delete account option, only deactivation. And yes, I am aware of the hypocrisy of posting this to Facebook. Nothing is black and white.
Flickr was my first foray into social media and I still consider it home. It’s a photography sharing site for those that don’t know. I’ve met several people because of Flickr and I value their friendships. Others, while we haven’t met yet, feel like we have, and my Flickr experience would be that much less without them. Not to mention all the phenomenal photography and art I can see everyday. On my own terms. It’s very easy to go to a group or individual’s stream and peruse without interruption. And I can like and comment without the entire planet knowing.
Flickr is not perfect, by any means. You have the weirdos and creeps and penis pics to get beyond some days. Rather like the early morning commute on the CTA.
And there are the whiners, the hopelessly needy, the over the top attention seekers, and scores of pedestrian and banal pictures. But I’ve learned how to avoid or ignore these. (My list of blocked people is longer than my friend, family, and contact lists combined.) But still, it’s home. I’m comfortable there.
Facebook will never be comfortable or like home for me. For one thing, my head hurts sometimes with all the incorrect grammar usage and misspellings. I forgive those whose English is a second or third or fourth language. But these English abusers* have English as their first and only language. Yes. I can be a bit of a grammar nazi. And there’s really nothing wrong with that and I’ll defend this to the end. In the online world first impressions are made with our words. Or puppy and kitten photos. But there still needs to be a properly spelled, properly punctuated caption, title, or description.
Then there are quotes. Quotes need quotation marks. See how that works? And ideally, the source should be given. Everyone knows you didn’t write these things. Poetic license is no defense for using others’ words and ideas and poetry without credit.
Just as maddening are those vague posts, just begging for everyone to ask, “What’s wrong?” or “Are you OK?” I flat out ignore those. I realise it may be difficult for some to ask for help, but if you’re in that much pain or distress, perhaps you should pick up the phone and talk to a close friend or family member. As much as I care for my fellow humans, I cannot, for my own health and peace of mind, be drawn into everyone else’s dramas on a daily basis. This doesn’t mean I don’t care. I do. But I also can pick and choose what I allow to affect me.
I will leave you with the opinion of someone who held a special place in my heart for many years. I still think his words very apt, so many years after he wrote this to me.
“I have a problem with so-called social networking. OK, I'll leave out the "so-called" bit because it's too long to type every time, but you can add it mentally. My problem is that it's not social, at least not the social we grew up with. And I'm very angry at Zuckerberg for co-opting the word friend, and virtually (no pun intended) rendering it meaningless.
For me social means talking to people I know in person or over the internet, but mostly in person. A friend is someone who knows you well, someone you like, someone you do stuff with, someone who is there for you. I don't have to define the word for you. FB has turned the concept into something so trivial. People have 1000 friends, but don't know any of them. Don't get me started on Twatter. Ugh. Blech. Gack. Pffffft, to quote Bill the Cat.
All this social media is one way. You post or twat or tumbl or what have you, and you do it for all to read. And it has bred a sense of self-importance that's completely out of whack.
Just had a cup of coffee.
Found a great parking spot.
I love sushi.
People have been trained to think the rest of the world gives a shit. By my estimation, that's 90% of Facebook and Twitter. I'm not saying they can't be good platforms; they can. But they're wasted.
It's like the vanity press of the early 20th century. But now it's free.”
©RC
*My British friends would say all Americans are English abusers, but that’s another thing entirely.
*My British friends would say all Americans are English abusers, but that’s another thing entirely.
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| © Trish Korous | 2015 |
A very thought-provoking entry, Trish. Your understanding of your experiences & how you can apply this to a modern world which is so quick with information & self-indulgence, is a wonderful insight to be able to utilize.
ReplyDeleteI think that the high-tech popularity has this world in a place, where inhaling & exhaling has become unimportant. Despite us, knowing breathing is extremely important. At times, social-media can be a distraction, it can smother your self-awareness. I am all for innovative, ingenuity products & technology, but it would be massively genius, if we did not forget the humanity in Life when we see modern newness at any speed given to our possibilities.
Thank you very much, Shaun. It really is so much noise so much of the time. But there are real, authentic connections to be had, although few and often hidden, and that is what makes me stay tuned in.
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