knowing me, knowing you
Today while commuting to work, I was listening to a favourite playlist: ABBA. Please, please… no judgement here. I’ve always like them and am quite used to being in the very small minority in regards to this.
I had recently rewatched Mamma Mia, too. I just love it. It’s a very feel good, fun and light movie and Meryl and Colin only make it better. I will not apologise for how I feel on this, either.
But being an overthinker, my mind wandered around to my last relationship. It ended in January, 2015 and I still miss him at times. I miss our conversations, how witty and clever we were, how we understood each other, how we almost always were on the same page. He also was a photographer, encouraged me a lot, and actually started me on my journey into self-portraiture, which while I seldom do a proper self portrait shoot anymore, I still value what was learned along the way and my portfolio. Not much in the way of gimmicks and effects; just photography and sometimes a prop or two.
I’m just wondering when this longing for something I can’t have will stop. I know that when you love someone, when they love you, there is always a bit of them in you and visa versa. As it should be. He is happy with someone. (A third someone since me, but I’m not judging, only commenting.)
I’ve had no someones in these three years. And I’m not looking. I'm fairly certain he was my last. I have no more energy and patience for a relationship. It takes so much and I can no longer spare my emotions or time. Has my wall gone up permanently? Perhaps. I also know that one never knows when or where Cupid’s arrow will land.
And please, I’m not writing this to hear, “You’ll meet someone!” Or, “You are so nice and pretty! Some guy would be lucky to have you.” Or, “It's so sad you don't have someone.” It might seem sad, and yes, I am mostly nice, but pretty is subjective, and I would rather be liked for my mind, humour, and compassion.
In the meantime, I’ll continue listening to ABBA and all sorts of music that makes me want to dance and smile. I’ll keep taking photos, even when my film tears during rewind. I’ll try new things, like making lumen prints and cyanotypes.
I’ll always stay up too late on school nights, wanting to watch the last episode of a Netflix series. I’ll carry on as I always have, coffee and martinis with friends, visits with family, cuddles with my cat.
And I’ll persevere with writing this blog until I have nothing left to say. Hopefully y’all will still be reading.
Momma Mia
I had recently rewatched Mamma Mia, too. I just love it. It’s a very feel good, fun and light movie and Meryl and Colin only make it better. I will not apologise for how I feel on this, either.
But being an overthinker, my mind wandered around to my last relationship. It ended in January, 2015 and I still miss him at times. I miss our conversations, how witty and clever we were, how we understood each other, how we almost always were on the same page. He also was a photographer, encouraged me a lot, and actually started me on my journey into self-portraiture, which while I seldom do a proper self portrait shoot anymore, I still value what was learned along the way and my portfolio. Not much in the way of gimmicks and effects; just photography and sometimes a prop or two.
I’m just wondering when this longing for something I can’t have will stop. I know that when you love someone, when they love you, there is always a bit of them in you and visa versa. As it should be. He is happy with someone. (A third someone since me, but I’m not judging, only commenting.)
I’ve had no someones in these three years. And I’m not looking. I'm fairly certain he was my last. I have no more energy and patience for a relationship. It takes so much and I can no longer spare my emotions or time. Has my wall gone up permanently? Perhaps. I also know that one never knows when or where Cupid’s arrow will land.
And please, I’m not writing this to hear, “You’ll meet someone!” Or, “You are so nice and pretty! Some guy would be lucky to have you.” Or, “It's so sad you don't have someone.” It might seem sad, and yes, I am mostly nice, but pretty is subjective, and I would rather be liked for my mind, humour, and compassion.
In the meantime, I’ll continue listening to ABBA and all sorts of music that makes me want to dance and smile. I’ll keep taking photos, even when my film tears during rewind. I’ll try new things, like making lumen prints and cyanotypes.
I’ll always stay up too late on school nights, wanting to watch the last episode of a Netflix series. I’ll carry on as I always have, coffee and martinis with friends, visits with family, cuddles with my cat.
And I’ll persevere with writing this blog until I have nothing left to say. Hopefully y’all will still be reading.
Momma Mia
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| tulip reconstructed Outside about 2.5 hours, almost 3. Unfixed. Tones were adjusted. Ilford MGIV RC Deluxe Paper ©Trish Korous | 2018 | . |
still reading. hoping you never stop writing.
ReplyDeletewe all have our small peccadillos. you like ABBA, leon likes western music.
I like rap. : )
these strange little likes and dislikes are what make us, us. unique.
I'm sorry about your relationship. they are hard, at best. and if you are happy....well, you can't ask for much more, really.
Thank you, Susan. I like rap, too. I am just as aural as visual. (But country music escapes me. True hard core country.) I think I’m happy, so therefore I am. Right? 🖤
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