on coming to terms
This week I am not feeling much like writing. But maybe this is exactly why I should.
My new job is stressing me out more than I could ever have imagined. There is no down time, I feel like I can't get anything right, and that I'm racing against the termination clock. For someone who’s always been confident and good in her work, this is throwing me for a loop. Am I too old to learn these new ways? I wonder.
My new job is stressing me out more than I could ever have imagined. There is no down time, I feel like I can't get anything right, and that I'm racing against the termination clock. For someone who’s always been confident and good in her work, this is throwing me for a loop. Am I too old to learn these new ways? I wonder.
The exhibit in Italy, which opened Saturday and of which I am very happy to be a part, isn't very much of a consolation.
I can't relax and enjoy my weekends as I am dreading Monday. Even the treat of a manicure and pedicure yesterday, which I hadn't had in almost two years due to no money for such things, didn't help.
I don't see my friends as much as I'd like and am feeling a bit isolated.
I think I'm sliding into a depression. I'm not sure when this began. Perhaps in New Orleans. I no longer know. I only know it's a beautiful day and I'd rather stay in my little studio and read. I've got a refrigerator full of film, and I have no desire to actually make the effort to load a roll and take a walk. I have oil pastels to practice and colouring books, too.
But instead, I am trying to quiet the the nagging, growing feeling that it's all too much and what's the point?
I don't write this for sympathy or to put more drama out there. Goodness, there's enough in the world already, and more than enough in America. I don't write this to worry anyone, but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford to retire.
What are the options? I'm trying to think clearly, but my full-on fretting is not making that possible. So there may not be a post here each week, and I may drop off social media somewhat, too. Maybe that's part of the problem, as well: so many seemingly happy, seemingly fulfilled, look-at-me-and-where-I’m-eating-drinking-traveling-to posts to wade through when I only want to stay connected to a handful of distant friends. (I applaud my one German friend who had the courage to cut the social media cord. She is an inspiration.)
I want to thank you, constant readers. The fact that anyone finds my words the slightest bit interesting means more than I can say. See you soon.
I can't relax and enjoy my weekends as I am dreading Monday. Even the treat of a manicure and pedicure yesterday, which I hadn't had in almost two years due to no money for such things, didn't help.
I don't see my friends as much as I'd like and am feeling a bit isolated.
I think I'm sliding into a depression. I'm not sure when this began. Perhaps in New Orleans. I no longer know. I only know it's a beautiful day and I'd rather stay in my little studio and read. I've got a refrigerator full of film, and I have no desire to actually make the effort to load a roll and take a walk. I have oil pastels to practice and colouring books, too.
But instead, I am trying to quiet the the nagging, growing feeling that it's all too much and what's the point?
I don't write this for sympathy or to put more drama out there. Goodness, there's enough in the world already, and more than enough in America. I don't write this to worry anyone, but I don't know what else to do. I can't afford to retire.
What are the options? I'm trying to think clearly, but my full-on fretting is not making that possible. So there may not be a post here each week, and I may drop off social media somewhat, too. Maybe that's part of the problem, as well: so many seemingly happy, seemingly fulfilled, look-at-me-and-where-I’m-eating-drinking-traveling-to posts to wade through when I only want to stay connected to a handful of distant friends. (I applaud my one German friend who had the courage to cut the social media cord. She is an inspiration.)
I want to thank you, constant readers. The fact that anyone finds my words the slightest bit interesting means more than I can say. See you soon.
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| human disconnect ©Trish Korous 2013 |
Good on you a well deserved paus from digital world makes more time to connect with what you realy want.Sending my best wishes and hugs of course!Sincerly Hajlana
ReplyDeleteMany thanks, Helena. I hope I figure this all out soon. Kram!
Deletemaybe you need a break.
ReplyDeleteif you don't feel like taking photos outside.. leave your camera(s) at home and take pictures by seeing and enjoying what you see. if you feel like you have to have a little opportunity to take a few photos, just take your mobile phone with you. don't stress yourseld on top of the stress you have in your new job. xx
Thanks, Mo. Good ideas. I’m trying to get away from my mobile. The direction I feel I need to go as a photographer. Today was a good day! xo
DeleteI remember laura rabbit telling me when I got in a funk to stop thinking and just take pictures.
ReplyDeleteI have a cupboard full of film. sitting.
personally, I think of lot of us in american are suffering PTSD from the current administration. with depression.
I am where you are without the job stress.
money stress is another thing with us.
if you're worried about getting fired, maybe just throw caution to the winds and do what you can the best you can and don't think about "what if".
I have been where you are facing the possibility of no job.
if you're going to stay on FB, cut your number of friends.
I am avoiding it except for an occasional political snip.
if you feel like doing nothing but read. read.
if you feel like you're getting depressed, wallow in it for a couple of days. lying in bed will make your back hurt. and maybe you can get up and go on.
and maybe it's time to start thinking about a new kitty cat.
whatever you do, you know you have friends here.
Thank you, Susan. I do believe the cheeto tweeto is definitely contributing to my state of mind.
DeleteI had decided to hold off on a cat until September. Just to see how the job is going. But I am looking at PAWS every week.
I’m very happy you’re in my circle of friends online. ❤️