musings and madness in the time of corona

March, 2020 has been very strange and very scary. Not to mention exhilarating, sad, hopeful, nerve-wracking, and eye-opening.

The month began with my waiting, not all that patiently, to hear from a company I’d interviewed with: one phone interview, one two-hour in-office interview, one online assessment.

On March fifth I got the call I was waiting for. We agreed I would start the twenty-third giving my employer over two weeks notice once I received the written offer via email. I wrote my letter of resignation, elated but also a bit sad. I really did like most of my coworkers.

Things were looking up! With a normal vacation benefit, I could actually take a holiday in spring or autumn and not at Christmas. First stop: Minneapolis followed by New Orleans.

My current job was starting to feel the effects of corona. The law school had closed, we had switched to credit and debit cards only, hours in our medical school venues had been reduced.

I got a call from my new employer and they were pushing my date back to the thirtieth as everyone was working from home and no one would be in the office to show me the ropes.

My current company said I could stay.

Then everything happened in a rush. On Wednesday, March 18, I was told they were accepting my original end date of the twentieth. And then Thursday, everyone was furloughed until May. I worked one more day to close the weekly numbers. I had my it's my party playlist playing most of the day and my office mate and I would alternately sing, dance, and relay memories that certain songs invoked. (Dusty Springfield’s Son of a Preacher Man did me in.) She told me how much she’d miss me and my ways, above and beyond my work abilities and ethics. I’m real. No pretenses. No bullshit. One of the best compliments ever!

My management team had a small goodbye party on that Friday. Oreo layer cake and champagne. And a beautiful orchid plant. A Visa gift card. But what really touched me was what one wrote in my card: “Believe it or not, I’m going to miss you. You have a really good heart and don’t change that for anyone or anything.”  I guess wearing my heart on my sleeve is a good thing, despite what I’d been led to believe.

My new start date is now April thirteenth, but that is likely to change given how so many are not taking the current nightmare seriously. Come the fuck on, people!

But my April rent is paid.

I am pretty much hunkered down. I do laundry once a week, I shower daily, and try to be as normal as possible. However, I wake every morning, swallowing hard to see if my throat hurts. I am sleeping later than I should and stay up much too late. I go between leggings and a tee and pyjamas. Last night I shaved my legs for the first time in almost a month (it’s still winter, after all… at least it feels like it.)

I’m not sure whether Bon Bon likes having me here so much or not. Ha.

I am eating okay, I’ve been to my local market once. I am utilizing Instacart for my food and Chewy for Bon Bon’s food, although both are taking much longer to deliver.

I am watching too much Netflix and Hulu. But also catching up on my reading. I loaded my Olympus yesterday and shot a few still lifes.

I am chatting more with family and I really do miss them a lot. They are my lifeline.

I am still not bored enough to tackle that filing cabinet project. But as I may not be able to move now this fall as I’d hoped (for more light and closet space) I’m sure that can wait.

Sunday was my birthday, and it was a very odd one. On Saturday night, March 28 or maybe Sunday morning, I had a dream that featured my mother. I never dream about her at all. She was helping me with a household project. Perhaps she was only wishing me a happy birthday. Perhaps death had taught her something and she wanted to let me know in her still awkward way. I hope that was all it was and not a premonition.

Maybe COVID-19 is a way to make humanity think and reassess. Will we be kinder, more empathetic, and more tolerant on the other side of this pandemic? Will we have regained our decency as a species? I sincerely hope so. I also know humans have very short memories. In any case, hopefully we will have learned something to carry us when the next catastrophe happens.

social isolation
©Trish Korous